Monday, February 22, 2010

Dispatch 13: Timberland, Neo and Ikea

Timberland [tim-ber-land] (Anglo-American)

1) Rugged boots designed for lumberjacks yet ubiquitously worn by blank faced teenage suburban mall loiterers and indolent inner city youth; preferably shoelace-free.

2) Evocative of the gritty urban wilderness, said to promote so-called Jungle Fever and to have retroactively inspired the 1980s trans-genre rap lyrics "It's like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wundah how I keep from goin' undah".

3) A town in sequoia-thick western Washington State.

Neo [nee-oh] (Latin)

1) new, like a freshly hatched suckling; expressing hope that the child have the talent of embracing any trend however fleeting.  

2) NASA's Near-Earth Object program designed to detect meteors headed for Earth.

3) Lead character in the Matrix Trilogy, born Thomas A. Anderson on March 11, 1962 in Lower Downtown, Capital City, USA.

Ikea [eye-kee-uh] (Scandinavian vulgate)

1) Female variant of President Dwight (Ike) Eisenhower (1952-60) or performer Ike Turner, ex-husband of Tina.

2) A large box store offering stylish if shoddy furniture with an exceptionally short life expectancy.

3) "I kea", syntactical abbreviation of "I am Kea", as in "You Tarzan, me Jane". or "I am Sam"; meaning "I am a large green New Zealand parrot feeding on garbage, carcasses and live animals" (see earlier dispatch for 'kea').