Thursday, February 18, 2010

Dispatch 12: La - a, Madison and Led Zeppelin

La - a [la-dash-uh] (American vulgate)

1) Extremely swift, one able to dash faster than the word itself is conveyed.

2) A laddish female, i.e. one acting like a lad, or tomboy. 

3) A female beyond the modern, able to transcend and even negate conventional notions of language by conveying concepts through symbols rather than letters (dashing, for example would imply acceleration, or a plus sign, while in this case, dash is represented by a minus symbol).

4) Dasha is the name of a Playboy model; when prefixed with 'la', the model's Slavic identity is instantly Franco-Iberianized. 

Madison [ma-dih-sun] (Middle English)

1) 'Son of Maude' -- fourth most popular baby girl's name in USA.  Maude was a waitress in an eponymous sitcom of the 1970s; though Maude did have a foster child in a 1978 episode, there is no evidence at present that she bore a biological son.

2) A Manhattan avenue and small side street, a 19th century president and many place names across the USA.

3) Star mermaid in the 1984 film 'Splash' which proved for many millions of moviegoers the existence of mermaids.

Var: Maddison, Madisyn, Madyson

Led Zeppelin [led-zep-elin] (Anglo-saxon)

1) Lead dirigible modeled on the escaped giant breast devouring the countryside in Woody Allen's film 'Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask'.

2) Air ship named after German general, aeronaut and inventor Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin.

3) Modestly successful long-hair British rock group unceremoniously disbanded in 1978; the name was coined by a drummer in a rival band who choked on his own vomitus that very year.