Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Dispatch 16: Lenin, Tellesavalis, Ventura

Lenin [leh-nin] (Russian nonsensical, of unknown origin)

1) Singer and songwriter for The Beatles, a reasonably successful if shortlived garage band out of Liverpool.

2) The founder of an ill-fated country known as the idiot stepsister of the West, dedicated during its seven-decade existence to equal opportunity poverty and misery.

3) a 20th century deity, revered by multitudes alongside Albanian and Korean dictators Hoxha and Kim and college heartthrobs Castro and Guevara.  

Tellesavalis [telee-savalis] (Greek)

1) A form of extra sensory perception closely related to telekinesis.

2) Large skulled bald cowboy who often enjoyed exposing his flaccid torso in popular periodicials.

3) Brother of Stavros, ally of Crocker.

4) Form of alopecia Areata.

Ventura [ven-tyooruh] (Californio-Minnesotan)

1) A former wrestler, Minnesota governor and best-selling conspiracy theorist.

2) A semi animated successful pet detective.

3) An American-made car named after San Buenaventura.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Dispatch 15: Apple, Lemon and Blackberry

Apple [a-pl] (Anglo-saxon)

1) 'Enticer': ever since the days of Eve herself, dangling her apple in the face of the hapless and drooling Adam, it is a well-established fact that women have always sought ways of luring men into their feminine lair where so many latter day Adams find themselves shackled forever.

2) 'Computer': the vaunted image of the post gender Amazonian female, all knowing and stylish; once boxy and white, then voluptuous and colorful, now thin and flat. When turned on, apples may perform vigorously in the open vertical position but are asleep when turn off in horizontal orientation.

3) A 21st century French anagram for 'Le(s) App'.

4) When combined with 'bottoms', a brand of jeans.

Lemon [le-min] (Anglo-French)

1) Often known as a 'nut', a hypersqueezed testicle of a type openly sported by lead singers of 1970's so-called supergroups.

2) A consumer item such as an automobile that fails to perform as expected.

3) Dweller at or near the Lemon (elm) River, in Devonshire.

4) Beloved man, sweetheart.

Blackberry [blak-beree] (Middle English)

1) A tree preferred by silkworms; the tree's leaves represent the entirety of this worm's diet.

2) A seemingly inncouous handheld electronic device with the devious power to transform an average, reasonably polite and interactive human into a rude, narcissistic and inattentive zhlub.

3) A dark little fruit especially preferred by overweight queens visiting Thailand.